I think I’ve mentioned it before but I have a teenaged daughter – we’ll call her K.B.. I love my child; she is the light of my life and has brought deep meaning and profound joy to my every day. BUT, she is sixteen. For anyone with a teenager, announcing her age is enough explanation. For the rest of you, check out a little slice of my life below.
Teaching Strategies: What’s not working
K.B. has a nightly chore of doing the dishes. Every time I remind K.B. of said chore, it becomes an epic saga of Kafkaesque angst and torment. Allow me to elaborate:
Me First:
K.B.’s Initial Thoughts:
Me Second:
K.B. Remains Unmoved:
Me Three:
K.B. Still Unimpressed:
When it finally comes time for her to do the dishes, she is convinced that her fate is equal to those who must petition the United Nations Human Rights Commission to protest the crime against humanity which has been committed against her. Like so:
.
Teaching Strategies: Out with the old, in with the new
So my question, dear reader, is when is your child too old to collect an allowance?
K.B. informed us at the beginning of summer that she didn’t want to get a “real” job this summer so she can “relax” and enjoy time with her friends. Her opinion is is that she’s still a kid and should be able to ‘take the summer off’. After a few conversations, she reluctantly agreed to write a resume and apply for jobs. Now it’s three weeks into July and she will only look for jobs if someone pushes her to do it and that’s only for as long as we are on top of her to do it.
It’s not the job that’s important, it’s that she doesn’t understand the value of money in any real sense. She connects the two facts that there are things she wants and that they cost money but that’s about it for insight. The idea that she has to earn money before she can spend it seems to be the missing link in her brain. In summary, K.B. can be a little entitled when it comes to what she thinks she deserves from us.
Earning an allowance seems to keep K.B. stuck in the idea that she is entitled to money from us because we’re her parents. Cleaning the kitchen, taking out the garbage, and doing the yard are just annoying realities of living with such tyrannical parents.
Forcing the kid to get a job does not seem like the ideal solution. Unfortunately, she’s too old for “because I said so” – one of my personal favourites – and too young for “move out and get a job”. Surely there is some middle ground?
Teaching Strategies: New and improved!
So I’ve done some research and I’ve come up with some teaching strategies:
1) K.B. is at an age where we can have more extensive conversations about our financial situation. If we take the time to sit her down and discuss our income and expenses with her – it might help her start building an understanding about the value of money.
2) Get K.B. involved in the financial goal-setting of the family and let her contribute to what our plans should be for the family’s money. This would have to be done within reason, of course, but I think these discussions offer valuable opportunities for learning how to prioritize and plan out saving and spending. For instance, we could have her help plan out where we should go for a weekend vacation – the costs of staying in this hotel versus going to that attraction.
3) Having K.B. participate in these plans can help us when she having an “I want” moment. Helping her understand that wanting a Samsung Galaxy III phone costs about $600 and that would take away from our goal of traveling to where ever for the weekend. Appreciating the reasons for why we say “yes” to one thing and “no” to another won’t always cut down on the angst, but at least she’ll know in the back of her mind why it’s not going her way.
4) We can also introduce K.B. to the importance of dividing money into spending, saving, and investing categories. Using ourselves as examples – complete with where we went right and wrong – can perhaps help her start wrapping her head around how to make these decisions.
5) Perhaps the most important part of this is for us to let K.B. make her decisions and experience the consequences whether they are good or bad. If she is allowed to be dumb sometimes, she will probably learn a whole lot faster than us being the talking heads about common sense stuff.
Perhaps these new teaching strategies will help us pass along to our darling K.B. daughter that with great money comes great responsibility (totally bastardized that quote, I know).
Let’s see if we can avoid this:
What about you, reader? Do you have any tips for teaching teens to be responsible with money?
Great ideas, Lindsey. We follow all of the above steps. We were giving our kids allowance (pay for work completed, in our house) but stopped recently in order to progress the debt payoff. I guess I would make sure that her allowance is small – not big enough to fund everything she wants to do by a long shot, so that she is forced to find a way to earn more income. That way she’s left with the choice of “Do I want to learn to live on this piddly amount of money, or make a choice to earn more?” That way, the ball’s in her court. I would also encourage her to find creative ways to earn money. Our daughters, for instance, get hired by grandma to do manicures or house-cleaning. Our oldest, Maddie, is an author, and if she wants more money, I encourage her to get out and promote her books, or find some other type of a side job. The point is, I guess, that if they want stuff, they have to find a way to earn the money, and we’re more than happy to help them find ways to earn, but we don’t ever hand them cash. Good luck with your decisions. LOVE the cartoons, btw. 🙂
Hey Laurie, thanks for the suggestions! I like the idea of providing K.B. with some money but not necessarily enough for everything. Chances are good that she will want more and this might help her get busy with her own plans to earn money. That’s awesome that Maddie is an author – very cool! 🙂 Thanks for stopping by!
I don’t have any experience teaching teenagers about money, but it seems like one option you have is taking away her allowance. Obviously still provide all the things she actually needs, but if she wants spending money she has to earn it. I have no idea how that will go over in your specific situation, but it’s definitely the first thought I had.
Yes, it’s a little tough to get her motivated and she’s too old for “I told you so”. I think some honest conversations about money might be something to get the ball rolling. She has goals like going to veterinarian school so maybe tapping into that might be a good source of inspiration.
It seems reasonable to take away her allowance now but don’t push her into getting a job. And also the other steps about bringing her into financial conversations. Explain you’ll pay for her essentials but if she wants extra things you aren’t paying for it anymore. I’m sure once she finds out you won’t buy her movie tickets or a new gadget she might change her tune. But I don’t have kids and that’s just my thought. Try reaching out to Shannon at The Heavy Purse because this is her specialty! Good luck! PS I’m teaching a 7 and 9 year old how to play beach volleyball to earn some extra money and oh my god I always need a drink after! LOL! Everything so fricken dramatic in their world!
Hey Tonya! I think you’re right about making the boundaries clear. We will cover A,B, & C but you’re on your own for entertainment. Movies, mall trips, and other things will have to be covered by the kid herself. I will have to be patient though…not one of my strong suits.
Teenage daughters are fun…not. I don’t have any children but I think if I did, I would be DREADING the teenage years more than anything. I have a lot of respect for parents who actually parent versus just handing their kids everything just to get them off their back.
It would definitely be easier sometimes to give her whatever she wants but then there would be the horrible tax of having to deal with the monster I created.:)
Most of the time, she’s a pretty good kid but she has her moments.
These are fantastic steps! I think the bit about letting her into the overall financial picture of your family will really help–focusing on the fact that you think she’s old and mature enough to be privy to this information should help spur some motivation from her end.
Yeah, I’ve been realizing that treating K.B. younger than she is hasn’t really been doing her any favours. She’s at an age where it’s important for her to have opportunities to think about larger issues – like finances. It’ll be good experience for her and we might get more buy-in from her on some things. Thanks for stopping by!
I think you’re doing the right things. And I’m pretty sure Shannon would agree. She’s on vacation this week but when she gets back – I’ll have her share any ideas she has. I know she has a Job List that she posts every week and her girls apply for jobs. She doesn’t pay them an allowance for the basics – i.e. making their beds, picking up the playroom, etc.
I do remember being 16 and years later feeling like I should issue a blanket apology to my parents and basically anyone who dealt with me at that age for my behavior. 🙂
Hey Tanya! I think I need to issue my own blanket apology to my parents as well. Damn!
I like the idea of a “basics” list that has to be done and then additional chores that the kid can apply for if she wants to make money. Thanks for the tips!
My parents never pushed me to get a part-time job but I remember them strongly encouraging me to get one if I wanted name-brand clothing because they refused to buy it for me. Teenagers, espcially girls are tough lol. My parents had 3 witH a 4 year age difference and to this day I still don’t know how they survived 😛
Hey GMD! I think it’s a great idea to draw clear lines like your parents did. 🙂 Wow! Three daughters in four years, I’m pretty sure my one child is going to be the death of me at least once a week! Thanks for stopping by, lady.
Kids nowadays. Ha! I was there too – not really wanting a job. Funny thing is, it was my friends that convinced me to get a job. I was 15. My parents weren’t really sure why I wanted to start that early. I guess they knew me too well – they probably thought I must’ve been up to something. But I went to work at a pizzeria with a bunch of my friends and we had a blast. I have no experience with teens, but the idea of working with one of her friends, might be the motivation ticket. Good luck 🙂
I think all your ideas look spot-on. If you’re comfortable enough showing her everything, I would have her sit with you and your husband while you pay the monthly bills. It’s really eye-opening for kids. Then with you helping her, I would have take charge of the budget for one month (more if you like). So again, she sits with you while you pay your monthly bills. But then have her break down and budget the rest: groceries, gas, misc, eating out. With her heading over to college in a couple of year, this will be a great exercise for her. I saw in your post today that she got a job, so that’s great news!
I love the idea of having her take charge that way, what a great idea! She has a job at Walmart now and we’e started talking to her about saving, spending, and investing. Thanks for the great ideas!
Thanks for your thoughts. This is my first time to your website and I appreciate the flare for the light-hearted combined with the seriousness of money management. I also appreciate you sharing your perspective related to teaching children about money.
Thanks for stopping by, I love hearing from new readers and fellow bloggers. 🙂 I’m going to head over and check out your blog.