“The graveyards are full of indispensable men”
– Charles De Gaulle
My latest, and most important, learning: I am not indispensable. Not to anyone or anything.
Does it sound harsh? Well, it is – but it’s the truth. It is both liberating and humbling.
My position at work? It can be done quite well by others if I weren’t there.
My blog? See above.
My marriage? If something happened to me, my husband would grieve for a time and then hopefully move on to find love again.
My daughter? This one is a little tougher but my daughter would be cared for by my husband if something happened. She would carry my loss with her but would most likely go on to lead a happy and productive life.
My family and friends? See above.
This doesn’t mean that I don’t bring meaning and worth into these aspects of my life; it just means that I probably shouldn’t take people, places, and things in my life for granted. I don’t get to have these opportunities in my life just because I’m super-awesome enough to sit there and do nothing; it’s because I’ve consciously invested parts of myself into these things. This is the humbling part.
What’s the liberating part? These people are choosing to spend their time/resources/energy with and on me. It is freely offered but shouldn’t be something that I expect, just because. It’s a gift to have these people in my life. They decided they want to spend their time with me – how cool is that?
For example:
I am not “owed “a job, I provide a certain value and my employer agrees to exchange money for my services. If I do not provide a quality service that the employer sees as meaningful, then I’m most likely going to lose my job.
I don’t “deserve” a certain quality of life because I’m pretty/smart/educated/whatever. I earn the quality of life that I have and I constantly assess where I’m at to ensure I’m on the right path. `
I am not “entitled” to handouts or freebies from other people. People may share their time, advice, resources with me and if they do, that is a gift and I should appreciate it as such.
So what needs to happen?
Financially and Professionally:
I need to continue learning and educating myself to remain a viable member of the work force. If I am relying on a union job for constant employment so I can stagnate and become a burden, I really need a wake-up call.
I want to invest in assets I need and not spend money on liabilities that will depreciate in value over time. Read new car, fancy clothes, electronics etc.
I want to diversify my income so I have multiple streams of income to that I can capitalize on. This is maybe the one place where multi-tasking has some real value.
I need to take responsibility for my own retirement and not rely on a government system that may or may not exist when I am old enough to retire.
If I dig myself into a hole, I need to dig myself out of it. There is no magical fairy that will rescue me. If my plan to pay off debt includes a rich relative dying and bequeathing me thousands of dollars, than I need to re-evaluate any prescription medications I happen to be on.
Personal Health:
I need to take care of my medical health today so I don’t pay a price later in life for things that were easily preventable in the moment. This means I need to go to regular medical check-ups, dentist appointments, eye examinations and other health disciplines, as required.
I need to look after my physical health on a daily basis so I can enjoy a quality life for as long as possible. While I realize I can’t become immortal, I can stay active and eat healthy to increase my chances of living well. I need to work hard to stay within my healthy weight range and look after my body in any way I can. It’s going to be awkward, uncomfortable, and sometimes painful but these are important habits to develop.
Emotional & Spiritual Well Being:
I need to give my time and energy to the people in my life. Without these two things, my relationships will wither and die. My marriage is important to me; I need to make sure I create room for it regardless of what projects I have on the go. This goes the same way for my other family and friends.
I need to carve out space for hobbies that don’t revolve around making money. I like hiking and paddling, so making these things a priority in my life is a good commitment. I need to get over my idea that these things are “a waste of time” because they’re not profitable in the traditional sense. I like reading and writing and I have time for these things – I just want to expand my interests a bit to physical activities.
The important thing is to not take your life for granted. The riches and rewards you have are just as – if not more – important than the ones you plan for in the future. I know what I need to do now to appreciate what I have and grow what I want for the future.
Very impressive article. Yes one needs to understand responsibilities towards your own-self, dear ones, society and your daily job. This comes either with maturity and common sense or else when life hits you hard and you learn the lesson with your own experience. Awareness is mother of all the problems, especially self awareness to understand that it is one life and not to take it granted
Thanks Rita, you’re right that these lessons are learned through maturity or the hard way. Apparently, I love learning the hard way. Or ad I like to call it – I’m an ‘experiential’ learner.
Totally agree! I think we all know these things deep down, but it’s good to remind ourselves. We really are responsible for ourselves and the moves we make now can impact us for decades to come.
I know I need these reminders. Sometimes I am dumb and only think about someone or something when it’s being threatened (like I might lose it). Writing about it serves as a good reminder.
Great sentiment here Lindsey! It’s so easy to get bogged down in the daily routine and neglect the fact that anything worth having needs our care and attention. For me, this can be especially true with relationships. One of my vows to my wife was to show my love every single day. I think if you can keep that in mind with the people who are important to you and show your love on a regular basis, you’ll go a long way towards keeping those relationships healthy.
I’m bad with that in relationships as well. It seems those things are the first to slide off my radar when I get busy. It’s weird because thse are the things that keep me happy and fulfilled in my life. I have to make a conscious choice every day and so far, that serves me well.
Nice thoughtful article! After surviving three big restructurings at my company, we lost a lot of great quality people. It’s true everyone’s indispensable, so if for anything, we continuing learning and educating ourselves, not for anyone else, but for our own betterment, our own personal health and we spend the time we have with the ones we love, because we want to. I love your closing “The riches and rewards you have are just as – if not more – important that the ones you plan for in the future”. Well said! And by the way, Santa DOES exist! I KNOW HIM! I KNOW HIM! 🙂
Hey Anthony, you’re right that nothing is ever guaranteed – even if you are doing a great job (like your company restructure example). We can only control what we control. We are able to weather life’s inevitable storms more successfully when we better ourselves and set aside resources.
Love this post – very insightful! It’s definitely a feel-good when you say that these people are involving you because they want to! 🙂
Yeah, it’s heart-warming to think of my relationships like this – it helps remind me that my people are important. 🙂
It is definitely a lot easier to plan for things like retirement if you only factor in your own money. Those are funds you are guaranteed to have access to. If you can be self sufficient with just that, then any financial assistance from other sources is just a nice little bonus. 🙂
You’re right. I think I’ll have a better idea as to what my pension will look like closer to retirement. Between my individual contributions and my pension contributions, I’m putting about ten percent of my income away.
Well said L! My biggest pet peeve is people who are victims or feel entitled to a certain way of life. It’s earned and maintained!
You preach it, sista!
Damn! This post rocked.
Love that post. The job part is true the other way as well, your employer sets an amount for you to be willing to sacrifice your free time and your life to work 8 hours a day, the day that amount does not justify your sacrifice you won’t show up.
Hey Pauline, you are so right! When a job isn’t a good fit anymore, I look elsewhere. Thanks for stopping by!