At least not the way I envision it in my head. I want everything to flow. I want to live a beautiful and balanced life that moves effortlessly and seamlessly from one thing to the next. Like a perfectly choreographed ballet.
But that’s not me. I’m not sure that’s anyone but that’s definitely not me.
I’m the girl with toilet paper stuck to the bottom of her shoe.
I run out of socks before I think to do laundry. I forget to fill the coffee maker before I make coffee. I barely remember to tie my shoes before walking out the door.
I am also constitutionally incapable of getting up on time. And I never remember anyone’s birthday or special occasion.
Maybe this is just the way I work. Maybe my modus operandi is anarchy. Maybe that’s okay.
Well, mostly okay.
I don’t know that I’ll ever be one of those “live a beautiful life” people. For some reason, I really struggle with letting go of the idea that I need to be doing more. Not only do I need to do more, I need to do it better.
I have to find some way of coming to terms with being okay with me. With all my strengths and weaknesses and all my fabulousness and foibles.
So I can’t.
I can’t be perfect. But I can be me. And maybe that’s enough. This will definitely be a work in progress.
So here are my goals for this quarter and my progress.
1. I want to spend more time with family and friends: FAIL
My depression is bad this time of year. It’s one of those inevitable realities of my life that just doesn’t seem to get any easier. No matter what I do, I have to fight against the inertia of mind-numbing nothingness that threatens to overtake my every day.
That consumes quite a bit of energy. I’m only left with enough to get through the basics. Home. Job. Home. Sleep. Job. Home…
Not a lot left over for family and friends.
So that’s what I’m focusing on right now. That has to be enough for the moment.
2. I want to put together a plan to increase my earning potential: FAIL
I was successful in getting into Social Work and starting the semester with classes. Unfortunately I had to withdraw because I couldn’t keep up with the work. In the future, I might take classes in the spring and summer sessions and take the fall session off. Weirdly, I seem to do better in January than I do in October.
3. Get control of my finances again: PASS
I have slipped with this since taking a break from the blog but I’m ready to get back into it. I know I’m on the right track with my money and I don’t want to backslide.
4. Be open to new opportunities/bring good things into my life: PASS
I am working on taking care of myself and getting through this time of the year in the best way I can. I am talking through my feelings and doing my best to stay as healthy as possible. I have some health concerns that are limiting my ability to be physically active but I have a physiotherapist helping me out with that. I have joined a gym and will be able to start swimming soon.
I wanted to come back to Sense & Sensibility because I missed it. I missed writing and learning. I missed the people I met and talked with over the months. So now I’m back.
That’s my life in a nutshell. Or a blog post. I’ll catch you guys around.